Living with baby loss - miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death

I caught an article on Radio 5 live when I was going to bed the other night. The presenter brought together a group of strangers who connected through their experiences of baby loss. It was powerful radio.

It was also inspiring as this is the opportunity I want people to have by coming together in the group I have created to talk about living with baby loss. When you have lost your little one through miscarriage, still birth or neonatal death, you can sometimes find yourself in a world of silence.

How others react

People don’t want to say the wrong thing, they don’t want to upset you so instead they say nothing. Alternatively people don’t want to see you suffer with your grief so they say its time to move on. In the worst moments, someone might say ah well at least you can try for another baby. When someone hasn’t lived through this experience, they might not realise how unhelpful and hurtful these approaches can be. I say this as a person who has likely said something like this to friends in the past before I researched, before I understood.

I want you to know you have a voice to talk about your baby. Whether they took a breath on this earth or not, they were your baby, your connection. You have the right to grieve. The memory of your baby lives on with you. They were a life.

Grieving for your baby

You know how to grieve for your baby in the way that is right for you. Give yourself the space to do this; if others have a problem with it, that is their problem not yours. Your experience of being a parent, the love that you feel and experience is individual to you and your baby and so is your grief.

You may choose to go on and try for another child, you may already have children, you may decide not to try again or you may not have the option. Whichever outcome you live with, your baby was still your baby. A baby that you had dreams and aspirations for, a child growing into an adult, an adult living independently.